Massive Impromptu Gears of War Party

Many people were chainsawed

I present to you exhibit A. 8 Friends. 3 Xb0×360s. 3 TVs. 1 Livingroom.

The Sunday before I started University, January the 7th, my roommates decided it would be a good idea to play some Gears of War. Fine, that’s a good idea, it’s a great game. You can play online with your friends, and you can play 2 people on the same console while online with up to 8 people. So we started out with one console, two players.

One of our associates, who also owns a 360, decided to bring his over as well, we could hook them both up to the router, and play 4 people at our house, and two other people at home on their own 360s made 6 players. Fun!

This process was then duplicated by another friend who happened to phone and wanted in. We had the TVs, the network cables, and the moxie to rearrange the furniture to make it happen. Now we had 6 players in our living room!

Soon more friends arrived and left, a huge box of chips arrived, and a flat of cola materialized. Suddenly we weren’t a bunch of nerds playing a video game. Suddenly we were a party of nerds playing a video game together.

Although we had to trade controllers a lot because we had more people than seats, it was a blast to run across an alien planet with 4 team mates with an assault rifle that was also part power tool and chainsaw the opposing team in half if they came around a corner too quickly. A testosterone fueled bloodbath.

I’d like to draw your attention to the final picture of the photoset, this one here, because you can’t quite appreciate the horrors that occasionally enter into my life without seeing them for yourself. (zoom in on the picture with the little magnifying glass, it’s kinda longish)

CONCEPT: 5/5 – Hey, I’m always into video game themed events. If you’re throwing a Legend of Zelda wedding don’t let me know, ’cause I’ll crash it. Super Smash Bros. bar mitzvah? Mario Party birthday?

INNOVATION: 2/5 – Nerds have been hooking together pieces of machinery since the dark ages. (insert joke about 1960s here)

SATISFACTION: 5/5 – There’s nothing like hopping around a corner, having someone lumber at you revving their chainsaw, and blowing their legs off with a well placed shotgun blast at the last possible second. Space Marines that looks like 800lbs gorillas, and monsters that look like 800lbs monster gorillas in space boots tearing each other apart.

EXECUTION: 4/5 – Well done considering how spontaneous the whole thing was, but with only one HDTV, some people were forced to suffer unnecessarily.

FUN FACTOR: 5/5 – It put a nice cap on the winter break, and set a standard for future dorkery.

OVERALL: 9/10 – Fun times with friends, no matter the condition or situation or social implications is always a good thing. Without exception. I can’t really think of any possible situations in which any of those things would take precedence over fun times with friends.

Weekend Warzone #8 – Rashomon, Being Paralyzed by Choice, Kitties

Rashomon

In the theme of reviewing a Kurosawa film on the weekend comes this weeks chapter, Rashomon. Rashomon is the story of a murder that takes place in a forest glen told from the perspective of four people; a bandit, a dead man, the dead man’s wife, and an outside observer, a man hiding in the trees. The movie explores the themes or justice, morality, good and evil.

Some of you will be happy to know the movie only runs 88 minutes, as opposed to Seven Samurai which actually takes several years to complete.

I found the film very interesting. It’s got the theme that’s done to death in every single police/crime drama on television; that of multiple veiwpoints of the same crime. In those shows, however, there’s a conclusion. A point where the viewer is succored by the director, and everyone can cry “I knew it!” Rashomon offers nothing clean cut. Like the line between Good and Evil, the truth and lies of each story become blurred so that no retelling can be the entire truth, but none are entirely untrue.

CONCEPT: 4/5 – The concept is solid, and allows for a lot of probing of deeply rooted human nature.

INNOVATION: 5/5 – This was pretty original for it’s time, I’m sure. Too bad CSI decided to make an entire show about the concept alone.

SATISFACTION: 3/5 -Leaves the audience with an odd feeling of discontent, because we never find out what really happened. But as a film, it’s very satisfying.

EXECUTION: 4/5 – The DVD transfer I watched had bad sound, which shouldn’t be an issue in a movie with subtitles, right? Well, it would have been nice. The cinematography is top notch, however.

FUN FACTOR: 2/5 – Unless you find debating morals fun

OVERALL: 8/10 – It’s Kurasawa, and I like ‘em.

Being Paralyzed by Choice

Occasionally there’s times in life when there’s so many possible options for action, it’s nearly impossible to decide on one, and instead nothing gets accomplished. There must be a term for this. Have you ever noticed that the more choices there are on a menu the longer it takes to select what food you want? Not including the time it takes to read all the possible selections, of course. This is a toss up, because in theory wouldn’t you be happier with more choice? On a menu there’s a greater chance they would have your favourite dish, for instance. However, this also facilitates for a greater anxiety, the customer is left wondering if they wouldn’t have enjoyed a different dish more.

A good example of this is trying to buy a digital camera. If you’re like me and you like doing as much research as possible into price, quality, review scores, company history, before making a choice, you’ll soon find that the farther you dig the more and more variables there are to consider and weigh in on the selection. I almost envy those able to walk into an electronics store, tell the salesperson “I want a camera that does this this this,” and be sold on something.

CONCEPT: 4/5 – The idea behind having as much choice as possible for everything is well meant. After all, isn’t that what living in a free country is all about?

INNOVATION: 5/5 – Never in history have so many possibilities been offered to the consumer. Not to mention the overwhelming feeling created by the first page of search results from your favourite search engine. 1,900,000 results for Earl Grey?

SATISFACTION: 2/5 – Contrary to the reasoning behind choice, people are often less satisfied with more choice due to the stress and questions that arise.

EXECUTION: 2/5 – It’s never really that paralyzing, but it can be much more complicated than need be.

FUN FACTOR: 2/5 – Not a barrel of laughs.

OVERALL: 5/10 – It’s a debate between too much choice and too little choice. Just take solace that there’s few completely wrong choices.

Kitties

Kitties are cute and fuzzy. Some are sleek, and some are fluffy. They come in all colours and shapes, and are pretty much the best animal. I know some people would argue that cows are the best animal (milk+hamburgers) or some jokester will say that humans are the best animal. Come on, we’re not animals, God made us PEOPLE. Don’t be silly. Kitties are the best animal because you can hug them, and they might make a little noise.

CONCEPT: 4/5 – Warm kitties.

INNOVATION: 4/5 – Because no matter what, I never get tired of looking at pictures of kitties.

SATISFACTION: 4/5 – Nothing like a hot kitty on a cold day.

EXECUTION: 0/5 – Don’t execute kitties.

FUN FACTOR: 4/5 – Fun for years, a kitty is a good investment.

OVERALL: 9/10 – Maowr.

Verdict – Kitties! My only regret is that I may one day be paralyzed between choosing from a bunch of cute kitties.

Weekend Warzone #6 – Putting Things Off to Increase Their Enjoyment, Lazy Sundays, Regret at Having Written About Bladders

Putting Things Off to Increase Their Enjoyment

I frequently find that I put off things that I don’t want to do, I’m getting better at doing them quickly though. Although now I’m developing the disturbing trait of putting things off to create a greater enjoyment of them  when I finally cave in. This includes:

• Eating a candy
• Watching a movie
• Playing a video game
• Drinking a beer
• Finishing anything in a series that I enjoy

Although the last one might be due to a feeling of sadness that comes with the finality of the end of a series of experiences that I’ve enjoyed, like Firefly, or Arrested Development, or Tom Strong (Tom Strong’s not over, I just don’t like reading the last comic in the Trade Paperbacks I buy every so often).

I think It may come with age, a greater willpower, a feeling of needing to get something more important done (laundry frequently interrupts movie watching) but I wish it didn’t feel so much like losing part of my childhood so frequently. Gone are the days when I could play video games until I passed out, and then wake up, eat some cereal, and continue playing. Candy’s bad for you, so I put it off until I feel a little sluggish. Movies are long and take up a lot of time, so I put them off until I have no other distractions, because it feels guilty. Drinking beer is a reward for a hard week instead of a hard day of work.

I do find that I am able to derive more satisfaction from these simple pleasures than I would have normally simply because I know I waited longer. The candy isn’t physically sweeter, but the experience has aged in my mind with the anticipation.

CONCEPT: 3/5 – In concept it’s fairly innocuous, as long as it’s not taken to the extreme of being compulsive.

INNOVATION: 2/5 – As with most things, it’s not something Cheese hasn’t done before.

SATISFACTION: 4/5 – Ranks fairly high, but there’s always the niggling “I could have held out longer.”

EXECUTION: 4/5 – Alright, although sometimes I give in too early and then feel a bit ashamed that I couldn’t wait another 10 minutes to eat those Rockets.

FUN FACTOR: 2/5 – Arguably, putting things off that you enjoy isn’t fun, but it’s the invested potential fun that pulls you along.

OVERALL: 6/10 – Less becoming a choice, and more becoming a necessity of the business of life.

Lazy Sundays

Getting up late, having a shower, not combing your hair, putting on that shirt you only wear around the house, not even wearing socks all day, life is pretty sweet. Maybe have breakfast at around 2:00, or whenever you start feeling hungry. Then, have some tea, and sit down to something you’ve been putting off all week, like a book. You might accomplish something, like housecleaning, but probably not. Just take some time to relax.

CONCEPT: 4/5 – Yeah, it’s nice.

INNOVATION: 3/5 -  When was the last time you had some time just to yourself to reflect on things?

SATISFACTION: 4/5 – Don’t think of it as wasting time, think of it as an investment in personal mental health.

EXECUTION: 3/5 – If you get anything bigger than the bathroom cleaned, you’re doing it wrong.

FUN FACTOR: 3/5 – Believe it or not, you can have fun by yourself. Sing a song, or dance around and eat toast.

OVERALL: 8/10 – A good way to spend a seventh of the week.

Regret at Having Written About Bladders

Well, this is just perfect. Ever since I wrote that Almost Full Bladder Feeling post, at least one person a day has come to the site using the search term “full bladder feeling.” I’m also damning myself further, because in writing another post about it I’m probably moving myself up higher on the Google priority list for websites dealing in bladder issues.

Here’s a message to all the people coming here in search of answers: you won’t find any here, and you probably have a bladder infection; I’m sorry.

I didn’t want this to happen, I didn’t foresee the consequences of my actions, and I will be more careful in the future. Come back next week for my article on Sex Breasts: Lindsay Licks Britney’s Nude Pictures, and, Burning Sensation When I Pee.

Goddamn internet.

CONCEPT: 3/5 – The concept itself was a noble one, I merely wanted to outline the  biological struggles we face daily.

INNOVATION: 3/5 – Not sure if anyone’s written on that subject before, but it appears to be an issue many struggle with.

SATISFACTION: 2/5 – This wasn’t how it was meant to be!

EXECUTION: 3/5 – I guess the fact that people were tricked into thinking I had any sort of real information meant that I did an alright job.

FUN FACTOR: 3/5 – It’s kinda funny.

OVERALL: 4/10 – I’m not happy with this turn of events, but I will take it in stride.

Verdict – LAZY SUNDAYS! Congratulations! You are superior to procrastinating with things you actually want to do, and regret at having written about urinary tracts! I hope you wear that mantle proudly, Lazy Sundays. I hope to meet you many more times in the future.

Weekend War Zone #1 – Burning Rubber, Cold, Seven Samurai

Get Ready!

Since this is the first Weekend War Zone, I’ll explain. I will quickly review three items (because chances are most Fridays, Saturdays, and Sundays I’m not going to have time to write reviews) and determine a winner. Think you already know the winner? You may be surprised!

Burning Rubber - On the smell chain, this is somewhere just under decaying flesh, which is actually the worst smell in the world for people because the scent molecules of dead meat invade all olfactory receptors as an evolutionary guard against, well, death (did I make that up? Look it up!) Rubber has no business burning. There’s nothing that can be accomplished by having rubber burn that is useful to society or any one person, ever. It smells absolutely awful, pollutes like a B, and usually means your car is just about ready to explode. Terrible in every instance.

CONCEPT: 0/5 -No.

INNOVATION: 1/5 – Rubber is a boon to mankind. Burning it is not original. Anarchists have been around for a long time.

SATISFACTION: 0/5 – Next to none, unless you.. No, none.

EXECUTION: 4/5 – It really burns good sometimes. All bubbly and drippy too. Smells as bad as possible; props.

FUN FACTOR: 2/5 – One time I held a piece of rubber on a stick and lit it on fire. The fire made little VOOP VOOP noises as the melting rubber dripped flaming onto the ground.

OVERALL: 3/10 – There is no reason for this.

Cold – Not the illness, the temperature. The lack of energy. Most people don’t enjoy being cold, and while I can see it may be uncomfortable for them, it’s also slightly based on what you think is cold. People who grow up in cold climates, or are raised by wolves, often have a higher tolerance for cold suggesting that it’s not universal as to what is uncomfortable. Cold is used in science, to cool things, like Cold Fusion, and Wars (Cold War.) How nice is it to have a nice cold milkshake on a hot summer’s day, or a cold refreshing kiss from your chilly girlfriend on cool winter’s night in a warm van? I’ll tell you how nice below.

CONCEPT: 5/5 – The opposite of hot, and most of outer space is cold. Has done many things for science and food expiration.

INNOVATION: 3/5 – Everyone gets a little tired of cold. “Okay, I’m ready to be warm now,” is a common sentiment. There is nothing else quite like it, however.

SATISFACTION: 4/5 – I can’t think of many ways cold could be better, except maybe to be a little warmer sometimes.

EXECUTION: 5/5 – Well done!

FUN FACTOR: 0/5 – While cold allows for great things, like superconductors, it’s just not all that amusing. I know some people will say “I love ice skating! Cold is great!” To you I say: wouldn’t you rather warm skate? Ice skating isn’t even the subject!

OVERALL: 9/10 – Near flawless in it’s execution. It’s doing a number on my hands as I type this!

Seven Samurai – Seven Samurai is a movie by Akira Kurosawa. It was made in 1954, and is about seven samurai who defend a town of rice farmers from a horde of bandits for no pay but all the rice they can eat. It’s renowned for it’s photography, portrayal of emotion and class division in 16th century japan. It’s also got action, and some funny bits.

CONCEPT: 4/5 – Think of a cool samurai. Now think of seven. Pretty good!

INNOVATION: 4/5 – The 16th century was a long time ago, and there were already lots of samurai movies when this came out, but it still managed to be innovative.

SATISFACTION: 4/5 – A beautiful movie.

EXECUTION: 5/5 – Incredibly well made. Moving, and memorable.

FUN FACTOR: 2/5 – Can be pretty long to sit through. But it’s not all about having fun. Sometimes being grown up means more that just having fun whenever you want and taunting children who can’t.

OVERALL: 9/10 – One of the best movies ever made, and complete classic.

Verdict – So, who wins? Burning rubber is an obvious dud, but Cold and Seven Samurai both come in with a solid 9. In this case the winner is, COLD. Seven Samurai may have influenced many lives with it’s savage and beautiful view of human life, but not nearly as many lives as the savage beauty of the Cold. What other condition can all people relate to? What else could make thermometers worthwhile? What else could make fresh fallen snow on Christmas morning? Only cold.