Today’s Hairdresser

Chatty woman from east Africa

I went to get my hair cut. I went to the same place I go when I need groceries, to go to the dentist, see a doctor, or buy a video game: Brentwood Town Center (Mall).

The hairdresser didn’t seem to hear me when I asked “can I get in for a cut this afternoon?” She looked vacantly past my shoulder, and then turned around to talk to a man behind her, who was busy cutting hair. She turned slowly back around, and said “I can take you.” We walked to the sinks so she could wash my hair (twice) that I had not one hour before, washed (twice). She was a short, middle aged woman with dark skin, and an accent I mistook for East Indian.

“Did you have a good New Years? I like to dance,” she answered. “R&B, Salsa, Dance, top 40, and anything Indian!” she laughed. Her daughter is going to UBC next year, and her other daughter wants to go to UVic for Law when she finishes highschool. The UVic daughter works at the Metrotown SilverCity, got a job without an interview because she’s so confident. “I think that makes things easier, being confident, and able to talk. When you do not talk to others easily, you keep things inside, you have a hard time doing even simple things.”  Hey, I thought this was her life story, not mine.

She’s got family in Switzerland, and a handful of other places, and she’s visited them all.”It’s important to travel. I’ve only been in Canada four years. I came to Calgary, Toronto, New York, but I decided I wanted to live in Vancouver.”

“We’ll make you handsome, Joshua,” she assures me. I over tip because I don’t have correct change.

CONCEPT: 3/5 – I’m disappointed when hairdressers aren’t chatty. It’s like a plumber who’s not overweight.

INNOVATION: 4/5 – She went into some areas I’ve never heard someone go into so freely. “I divorce my husband recently. He did not work, you know. They say; idle mind is a jealous mind?”

SATISFACTION: 3/5 – Not a bad cut. Not super great, or anything, and she combed it weird right before I left.

EXECUTION: 3/5 – Efficient and personable. “I make lots of friends.”

FUN FACTOR: 3/5 – Because I’m pretty tall, it’s hard to hang my head in those little sinks. My neck started to hurt. But other than that, probably the funnest part of my day. Well, except reading Pug Therapy, which Ally gave me for Christmas.

OVERALL: 7/10 – A little more than I’m used to paying for a haircut, and I don’t feel that the quality was such to warrant the extra cost, but considering I get my hair cut like 2-3 times a year, I guess I can’t complain. Priya was a nice hairdresser.

Running Through the Rain to the Ferry

Wind storm also

An entirely different experience than taking the ferry is running through the rain to the ferry. This may happen because you’re at a friend’s house before Christmas, and he lives in Campbell River, and you live on Quadra, and you were Christmas shopping and decided to go to his place for drinks and to listen to music. Or maybe for some other reason, I’m not a soothsayer.

So it comes to be 9:30, and if you don’t leave soon you’re not going to be able to catch the 10:30 home, so of course you procrastinate for at least 20 minutes because you’ve been drinking Scotch and Rye and listening to Tyler Fedchuk mixes and going over the year in music. You eventually decide to leave so that it’s easier to get things done tomorrow, even though it’s raining pretty hard out, and there’s a terrible wind storm going on and you’re not even sure if the ferry’s running anyway. On the way out you leave the present you bought Mom in your friend’s entryway.

And you’re doing it. You’re jogging to the ferry in the rain in a wind storm. Thank God it’s mostly down hill, and the Scotch has made you feel warm and unable to tell when you should stop jogging. So you get there in record time, about 10 minutes, and you have to sit and wait for the ferry for another 10 minutes in the cold wet waiting area. But at least the ferry is running, and your brother picks you up at the other side and drives you home. Good thing he got his license! Maybe he can pick you up tomorrow from the pub as well…

CONCEPT: 1/5 – Having to run through the wind and rain in a big jacket aren’t high on anyone’s list of things to do before they die.

INNOVATION: 1/5 – It’s common knowledge that running increases speed.

SATISFACTION: 2/5 – Getting there on time is nice, but being too early just makes you think of all the time you could have spent still listening to a mash up.

EXECUTION: 4/5 – Well, you made it with time to spare at least.

FUN FACTOR: 1/5 – Suck factor: 4/5

OVERALL: 4/10 – Not all that bad, really.

A Guy Comes to the Door Selling Newspapers

Knock Knock

The Everyman: Hello?

Newspaper Guy: Hello sir! How are you today?

TE: Fine, how are you?

NG: I’m good as well. I just wanted to let you know that we will be delivering you one of two local newspapers for free for two weeks.

TE: No, thank you, we don’t read newspapers. I’d rather save you the trouble and the trees, because I’m just going to have to bend down and pick them up and carry them across the house and put them right into the recycling.

NG: I just need to ask you which door you’d like me to deliver to.

TE: Sorry, I’m not interested.

NG: You will also be recieving free TV guide-

TE: We don’t have cable, sorry.

NG: But… you could take it to work and use the TV guide… at work.

TE: (who is allowed to just watch TV at work?) No.

NG: Th-

TE: No.

NG: *rolls eyes* Thank you sir.

CONCEPT: 2/5 – This conversation might go differently if you are at all interesting in anything the other person has to say.

INNOVATION: 2/5 – “No” is a fairly common way to get other people to leave you alone.

SATISFACTION: 2.5/5 – The outcome was top-notch, but the fact that it happened at all lowered my satisfaction.

EXECUTION: 4/5 – He really stonewalled and played the ‘not listening’ card well.

FUN FACTOR: 3/5 -Shutting people down is strangely fun.

OVERALL: 5/10 – A learning experience for all involved!

The Seven Year Joke

My Grandpa told me a joke that I assume took me the longest period of time taken to ‘get’ a joke ever

I’ll cut to the chase. I don’t know how long ago it was, but it was long enough. Seven seems like a good number. My Grandpa once said to me, after I had been particularly sassy, “Sarcasm is the lowest form of wit.” Now, I have no confirmation, and I refuse to do research for any of these posts, but this may be a quote from Oscar Wilde. Wilde would have delivered the joke and then promptly flipped off the Queen while making it look like he was eating a sandwich, or made a laughing hyena cry, or died, or something equally dramatic. My Grandpa only looked a little disappointed when I rejoined, “Sarcasm is the only form of wit.”

As I was walking to work today, for some reason I was thinking about this exchange. I suddenly realized that my Grandpa was being sarcastic when he’d said that, making it what it surely the highest form of wit, irony. My reply would also be nearly as witty as his initial jab, except that I was like 15 and I meant it. I don’t feel bad that he looked a bit disappointed in me, because that seems to have become his thing recently.

It turned out to be very funny to me at the time. Maybe it’s not, and surely not any more now that I’ve laid it all out. But I just couldn’t wait another seven years for you to all suddenly burst out laughing during your morning commute. So, apologies.

CONCEPT: 4/5 – Not a bad joke, I thought.

INNOVATION: 3/5 – Not sure! It might not be my Grandpa’s invention at all! But I’ll give him the benefit, he said it to me, and I’d never heard it before.

SATISFACTION: 5/5 – Rather than be ashamed it took me so long to find this funny, I’m extremely satisfied I remembered it at all.

EXECUTION: 4/5 – Long term jokes are a sort of an art form, I’m sure.

FUN FACTOR: 4/5 – Not the best I’ve ever heard, but extra points for effort.

OVERALL: 5/10 – Despite my enjoyment, I doubt anyone else will find it nearly as funny. In fact, making you have to listen to my recounting is probably much less entertainment than what I got out of it. For this, I’m tilting the scale to be more realistic. And arbitrary.

Weekend War Zone #2 – Red Beard, Listening to Roommates Play a Star Wars RPG, Tea

Red Beard

Another movie by Akira Kurosawa, but one that I watched earlier today. The story opens in 17-18th century Japan with a young doctor, a top student, visiting the practice of another doctor Red Beard (nicknamed so because his beard is a reddish colour). He learns that one of his higher ups has pulled some strings to get him an internship under Red Beard, and absolutely refuses to take part. He was previously slated to be the personal doctor of the magistrate. Red Beard’s clinic is in a very poor district, outsiders frequently remark that they would be better off dead. Red Beard is stubborn and headstrong. The young doctor is extremely disappointed that he will not be the doctor of the magistrate.

Through treating destitute patients and hearing their life stories, the young doctor learns that even people who cannot afford medical treatment are not unworthy of love, and their capacity for sharing what little they have continually astonishes him. He learns there are much more to the seemingly pathetic and incapable patients, and forms strong bonds with the staff of the clinic, his patients, and eventually Red Beard himself. By the end of the story he is offered a position as the magistrates’ doctor and refuses, enraging Red Beard. But he has his way, and continues his work at the clinic.

CONCEPT: 4/5 – I never feel qualified to comment on art obviously much higher than my current station, but I really liked the idea of feudal Japanese doctors.

INNOVATION: 4/5 – It’s ER, but 50 years ago. Although I think comparing Red Beard to ER is something close to blasphemy.

SATISFACTION: 5/5 -It was very satisfying. The highs and lows of human emotion shown in startling beauty. (is that from the box?)

EXECUTION: 5/5 – Highest quality acting, photography, script and direction.

FUN FACTOR: 1/5 – This movies isn’t that fun. It’s over 3 hours long, and most of the themes are very serious. There’s about 2 jokes, but they break such tension and provide such a contrast to the poverty displayed that I found them to be funnier than all the jokes in most comedies. That said, the movie isn’t about fun, it’s about the slow earning of happiness.

OVERALL: 8/10 – Very good cinema.

Listening to Roommates Play a Star Wars RPG

“Come get some, Wookie Boy!” “Now we’re talking!” “He slices into you with a vibro-blade.” “Aw.” Yes, this is the majesty of a Sunday night. Dudes, dice, and droids. I can’t really make fun of them though. I know exactly what they’re talking about when they say “Cortosis Armour” or “Gonk Droid,” even chiming in “Rodians” when someone asks, “What race is Greedo?” Yes, I am a nerd also.

So far on their adventure, a team of a Wookie and two humans, all of which don’t speak at least one of the other’s language, have managed to run two smash-and-grab jobs for the Hutts, and are currently in a bar fight. Jay shouts “You just eviscerated a guy from his belly to his neck! Of course his buddy is pissed!” Frequent first person dialogue is heard: “I close the door.” “What? Why? I open the door and open fire!” “I close the door.” As well as second person narration: “You’re stunned. You fall on his vibro-axe.” “You fail to hack the door. It shuts.” “You trip on the table, your vibro-axe skitters across the floor and stops at the far wall.”

CONCEPT: 3/5 – Friends playing a creative game together! It’s all good fun!

INNOVATION: 4/5 – Not as creative as making their own role playing system, but still requires a good amount of imagination.

SATISFACTION: 4/5 – They seem to like it.

EXECUTION: 4/5 – As opposed to when me and my friends used to play all those years ago, they actually get things done and play at a fairly good pace. But they’ve been playing since 5, and it’s 11 now.

FUN FACTOR: 5/5 – They’re having a lot of fun. If anyone’s “not in the room” they are allowed to play Tetris DS. It’s pretty effective to get them to not pay attention to what’s happening outside their perception, and keeps them entertained.

OVERALL: 7/10 – Better than World of Warcraft!

Tea

Tea is a drink people make out of dried leaves (or in some cases other parts of a plant) which are put in a receptacle, and then have hot water poured on them. This makes the water taste a little like the leaves, and discolours the water.

I like tea, I used to drink it a lot. Probably around 2 cups a day or more. When I got pneumonia last year, any diuretics I drank for several months afterwards would dry out my lungs and make them hurt a lot, so I have to give up tea. I’m sort of getting back into it now, but I enjoy life off caffeine. It’s nice to not need something to help me function.

Tea is delicious, and I like it with milk and sugar. If I was forced to choose a favourite, I’d say probably Earl Grey, but if you’re getting fancy my actual favourite tea so far is a combination of Ms. Grey from Murchie’s tea company and a Mocha Roibos that Rob has. I don’t remember the brand, and I haven’t been able to make my blend since I stopped living with Rob and Jordie.

CONCEPT: 4/5 – A hot drink to calm you while also making you more alert. Very comforting on cold rainy days.

INNOVATION: 3/5 – I’m not sure who discovered tea, but I’m glad they did. There’s so many types and tastes, you could never try them all.

SATISFACTION: 5/5 – Mmmmmm!

EXECUTION: 3/5 – Easy to mess up, but even if it’s not made exactly how I like it’s still pretty good.

FUN FACTOR: 3/5 – Tea can be fun, or facilitate fun between friends.

OVERALL: 8/10 – Great! One of my favourite drinks.

Verdict – Winner: TEA! I shouldn’t have to explain this one. Once again, Kurosawa loses out to a greater cause. Tea has influenced politics, economies, and even civilizations. Sorry, Kurosawa! Better luck next time.

Life in Review

Daily reviews of daily things. Articles, books, websites, smells, video games, food, sensations, concepts, conversations, drinks, activities, music, people, bits of earth, etc.

The idea is intriguing, and adds a feeling of usefulness to what would otherwise be a fairly straightforward journal. A formula will also be followed, including but not limited to:

Title – What the review is of.

What – More in depth blurb or explanation.

Body – Description and observations about the subject.

Pros/Cons – An optional component where the pros and cons of the subject are weighed.

Ratings – Rank the subject against other subjects. Subjects will be rated out of 5 in CONCEPT, INNOVATION, SATISFACTION, EXECUTION, and FUN FACTOR. There may also by an additional rating based on other observations of the subject as well as an OVERALL score which is out of 10, and is not an average of previous ratings.

There will also be swears.

CONCEPT: 3/5 – Interesting. Will be fun to watch play out.

INNOVATION: 2/5 – Blogs and Reviews are both nothing new, but at least an ounce of creativity is required which warrants a 2.

SATISFACTION: Remains-to-be-seen/5 – This will be updated in the future with an accurate score.

EXECUTION: 3/5 – The fact that I got off my ass and made a blog is pretty good. I’ll give myself a congratulatory ‘3′.

FUN FACTOR: 4/5 – If this ever gets below a ‘2′ I may have to discontinue writing.

OVERALL: 8/10 – Commitment and creative output are in conflict! Let’s watch!