Purdy’s Hedgehogs

Note: these make a nice gift for me. 

For my birthday, my Mom got me a box of Hedgehogs. They’re hazlenut chocolate inside chocolate that is shaped like a little caricature of a hedgehog, which is an animal. I should know, I used to have a pet hedgehog.

This all started because I used to read books about a wonderful place called Fern Hollow, which had nice little stories and pictures of mice wearing pants, and turtles wearing bowties, and everyone had cute english accents and had small problems. There was a family, the Willowbanks, who were hedgehogs. I couldn’t pronounce “Willowbank”, bless me, so I called their son, a bit of a scoundrel, Spike Bee-a-bank.

This led to a strange fascination with hedgehogs, and at some point I became enamored with having a pygmy hedgehog as a pet. This happened, thanks to some locals who were happy to sell me one of their brood. Almost… too happy… Yes, as it turns out, hedgehogs make terrible pets. They are spikey, jumpy, fast, rude, and poopy/pee-y. Also, they sleep all day, and  ram into the bars of their cage all night. That is the hedgehog way.

But when you turn a hedgehog into chocolate and shrink it down, an amazing thing happens. You can put them in a box and sell them. Then people buy them at the store, and give them to me for my birthday. And I enjoy them very slowly for the next few weeks.

CONCEPT: 4/5 – Buying me hedgehogs is nice, but I DON’T want this to turn into something that everyone does for every occasion! Not even as a joke, like “hey, let’s buy Justin chocolate because he said he didn’t want us to.” NO! Only buy it because you think it would make a good gift. That being said, I will never complain about having too many, so it’s really up to you.

INNOVATION: 2/5 – Now that I’ve taken all the surprise out of it… Speaking of surprises, they come in this triangular box that totally gives away the gift before you even open it. This marks the second time I’ve written about triangular chocolate.

SATISFACTION: 3/5 – Well, it’s hard not to be. Although I do like dark chocolate too.

EXECUTION: 3/5 – It’s hard to mess up, but you could accidentally buy a triangular box of hedgehog entrails, so we’ll have to wait and see how this pans out.

FUN FACTOR: 3/5 – They’re fun to eat. It’s like eating a small, delicious part of my disappointing childhood obsession.

OVERALL: 7/10 – They’re pretty tasty.

Taco Time vs. Taco Bell

Taco 2 Taco

There are two kinds of people in the world. Those who over-generalize, and those who don’t. But, and, Also, there are two kinds of Taco joints in Canada (probably elsewhere too).

Taco Time: Notable for it’s claim of authentic Mexican food. The disposable place mats for the last few years have detailed the franchise creator, Ken, and his travels through Mexico feeding Mexicans his own brand of Taco. Which according to the place mats, they loved.

Taco Bell: Notable for it’s former mascot, a little annoying dog. Taco Bell doesn’t focus on authenticity, instead promoting the speed of service, and the lower cost of food.

QUALITY OF SIDE:

Taco Bell has the strange practice of using French-fries in the place of tortilla chips. Their fries supreme is shoestring fries smothered in bright orange liquid cheese, ground beef that looks like something unmentionable, and sour cream. The mixture is easy to scoop into one’s mouth with a fork, as it tends to clump.

Taco Time uses these little tater tot things as their side. Some people complain about them, and they are rather flavourless, but that’s because there’s little salt on them. Patrons are expected to dip them in the complementary hot sauce, a kind of thin salsa. The Mexi-Fries Supreme, or whatever it’s called in this case, has a similar cheese, and sour cream, but the ground beef is of higher quality, and I seem to remember little bits of tomato on top. Healthy!

WINNER: Taco Time

QUALITY OF ENTRE:

Taco Bell’s entres are the McDonalds hamburgers of the taco realm. Their burritos all use white flour tortillas, and are thinly packed with mushy meat or beans. The Tacos themselves are unremarkable, and come with a lot of lettuce. The other contents are hidden away inside beneath layers of bland iceberg. On taste alone, however, Taco Bell is promising. The things taste good. I can only assume (and after having a wet throaty coughing fit soon after finishing) that the taste is enhanced purely through the inclusion of salt and grease.

Taco Time’s entres try to strike closer to Mexican cooking, but I’m unaware how close they come. The tortillas are whole wheat, and the fillings are a more firm bean or ground beef. The tacos in question have more diverse filling, to rice, olives, and tomatoes. I also appreciate their sauces. They also do not lead me to such violent fits of coughing, but are still somewhat greasy.

WINNER: Taco Time

PRICE OF TACO:

Taco Bell’s prices are low. This is how the chain grew and became popular. I remember hearing a story about how the creator would purposefully open Taco Bell’s in lower rent neighborhoods as far away from McDonalds and other competitors as possible to maximize throughput. You can get two tacos and a fries supreme and drink at Taco Bell for about $7.

Taco Time is more expensive. Their combo meals will set you back about $7 without the fries supreme, and possibly only one taco.

WINNER: Taco Bell

GRAND CHAMPION: Taco Time with 2/3 categories!

Canon PowerShot SD600

I got it as a gift!

NOW WITH MORE COLIN! SEE LINK INSIDE FOR DETAILS!

Thanks Mom, Dad, and Papa. Thanks Kate, for the carrying case. Thanks Peter, for Hellsing Ultimate, which I also enjoyed, but has nothing to do with the camera.

It’s a digital camera, and I like it. It’s pretty small, has all the features I wanted, and can even take little videos and stuff. Having a little camera is great, because I don’t have to carry my bulky SLR everywhere, I can just have it in my pocket, which allows me to get photos like this:

And then you get to look at them!

I’m not going to go into detail of the technical specs of the camera and whatever.

CONCEPT: 5/5 – Giving me a camera is like giving Picaso a brush! Okay, so it’s more like giving a donkey a cart, but hey, maybe that donkey will grow up to pull the biggest cart in the world..?

INNOVATION: 2/5 – Everyone got a digital camera for Christmas this year.

SATISFACTION: 4/5 – Picture quality is high, but I’m one of those people who always want’s that perfect resolution with also perfect clarity. One day.

EXECUTION: 4/5 – Well built, Canon, I am happy with the design!

FUN FACTOR: 4/5- Being able to take pictures whenever I want is pretty fun. Walking around with expensive electronics in Surrey/New West isn’t. Are the rumours true?!?!

OVERALL: 8/10 – Pretty happy with it! I like taking pictures.

Weekend Warzone #7 – Quitting, Registering For Classes, Christmas Shopping

Quitting

Working at the same place for a long time can become more of a routine than a path to a goal, especially early in life. The point where you forget what you were saving up for when you got the job is probably when you should have quit, but at that point it’s too late. You just sort of keep plugging away until you get completely fed up, because the job wasn’t the thing you wanted to do in the first place, it was a means to an end.

But eventually, you pull up your socks, nervously approach your manager, and hand them a letter, mumbling “I’m leaving in two weeks”. Or you stand up at your desk/work bench/ditch and shout “I QUIT” and spit on your manager’s face as flocks of bikini clad women fly down from the sky and being handing out packages of free beer and money. Well, that’s sort of what EI is like, I’ve heard, but you can’t get that if you quit. But that doesn’t matter, because you’re on to a new stage of your life, a brand NEW shitty job!

CONCEPT: 4/5 – Quitting a job you dislike or have grown to dislike is probably for the best.

INNOVATION: 3/5 – Hey, it’s better than staying at the same job for decades because you’ve been there so long that the pension is the only thing keeping you going.

SATISFACTION: 3/5 – That first week of freedom is like no other. Then the rent comes around, and you can’t find another place because of your skill set.

EXECUTION: 3/5 – Burning bridges can be fun, but potentially dangerous. But then there’s like 7 billion bridges in the world, so burn away.

FUN FACTOR: 5/5 – Work is inherently the antithesis of fun, so quitting un-fun is pure fun?

OVERALL: 7/10 – May you find happiness in future gainful employ.

Registering For Classes

I continue to be of the opinion that this is significantly more work than the actual school work itself.

CONCEPT: 4/5 – In concept it’s a simple task. Use the internet to tell the school which class you want to take. Much better than the old method, which was to write your name in a book outside the class door. When the book was full, the teacher began the class. Students began making increasingly elaborate signatures that spanned multiple pages to ensure the most one-on-one time with the prof, and the system was heavily abused.

INNOVATION: 3/5 – Again, fairly novel compared to the old ways.

SATISFACTION: 2/5 – The feeling of “I wonder if it went through correctly” will never go away until the first time your teacher calls your name in class, so it leaves something to be desired, clearly.

EXECUTION: 2/5 – Like the school websites, the entire process seems to be designed by a large cumbersome robot who’s favourite foods are redundancy and unintuitiveness.

FUN FACTOR: 1/5 – If a website were ever designed to make someone cry, they would base their design on this process but make it easier to use.

OVERALL: 3/10 – Poopy. But functioning.

Christmas Shopping

Some people absolutely loathe Christmas Shopping, but some people love it. How can this be? Well, the world is divided into two distinct kinds of people, men and women. Men hate shopping, and Women need it to live. It is this constant struggle that creates most of the plot devices of the great works. Ulysses. Romeo and Juliet. Cathy.

I don’t mind the shopping so much as all the other people also shopping at the same time. It’s also not the noise, the lines, searching for the perfect gift, or tired feet. Well, maybe it’s a few of those things. But what I find the most irritating about the whole meal deal is skirting. Skirting around people. People who are standing in the middle of an aisle, walking slowly around, meandering, dawdling, gawking, etc. People who don’t understand the gravity of the situation. It’s alright if someone is trying to get at an item to purchase and they happen to cut me off. I’m fine with another shopper bumping into me while making their way to the counter. Please, please don’t stand in one place and force me to do a little sideways dance move to get past you. I’m not here to hang out and look at the decorations, although they are nice, I’m here to power my way through shopping so I can get back to sitting at home.

CONCEPT: 3/5 – Christmas Shopping is a necessary thing every year. No matter how many times Mom says “next year we’re donating all our Christmas money to Africa.”

INNOVATION: 2/5 – This has been going on for as long as I can remember, but I’m sure there was a time when people actually made their gifts for each other.

SATISFACTION: 4/5 – Getting it all done can be extremely satisfying.

EXECUTION: 2/5 – Never really goes as smoothly as it should. Just be glad you’re not that 45 year old woman looking for “that Wheee system” or a “Nano iPod”. Her kids are gonna be a little disappointed.

FUN FACTOR: 1/5 – I’ve never thought of holiday shopping as fun, but more of a task like walking the dog. Only the dog needs to be walked one day a year through a mall filled with thousands of people. Two if you can’t find what the dog’s looking for.

OVERALL: 5/10 – Hey, I like getting presents as much as the people I’m giving them to, but I wish I could avoid playing dodgems in cramped retailers for hours on end.

Verdict – Christmas Shopping! Hey! What? Well, as much as I like cutting off the only source of income I have, and tearing out my hair over school, Christmas Shopping is a walk in the park compared to the continual stress these other two gems provide. My hat is off to you, shopping. May your arteries always be clogged, your lines long, and your customers irate. Or pirates.

EB Games ‘pre-orders’

Sarcasm?

Does this make sense to any of you? You go into an EB Games location, looking for a specific game. The staff there tells you that it’s not out yet, but it’s due to be very rare (you know this is true) and that if you want to secure your ownership you should pre-order the game. Pre-ordering allows you to put down a maximum of the games entire price or a minimum of $5. Naturally, you pay $5 because what sort of a sucker would give away money that could be earning interest in your bank account to a corporation for the promise of a product “when it ships”?

You wait however long, occasionally this can be up to a year, but usually only several months (hah), and one day you get a phone call from your friends at EB.

“Hi, this is EB Games, I’m calling to let you know that your pre-order for Game X is in stock, and can be picked up anytime during normal business hours. I must also remind you that if you do not pick up the game within 48 hours of this phone call, the game will be sold on the shelf with the other games. We will, however, transfer your credit to any other purchase in the store.”

I can’t begin to describe the ways this in no way constitutes a preorder. How does waiting for a game for months turn into a 48 hour window of opportunity to claim your prize? Why does having the initiative to create a demand for a product go punished? You’ve already outlined for us that the game is going to be nearly impossible to find, which is why we’ve pre-ordered it, and now you’re going to just sell it to anyone? Fie on you, EB Games, fie and fie.

Between waiting upwards of 20 minutes with just two people ahead in line, trying to upsell everything in the store, and having staff disappear for lengths of time, or simply duck behind the counter and pretend to be busy it’s a wonder anyone goes to EB.

If they weren’t the only place offering pre-orders, I’d never go there.

CONCEPT: 4/5 – The concept is noble enough, I give you money down, and you promise to give me what I want when it’s available so I don’t have to search for it like the fucking Master Sword.

INNOVATION: 3/5 – Their strategy of apparently trying as hard as they can to infuriate customers is a new one for me.

SATISFACTION: 2/5 – I’m only giving this a 2 and not lower because I’ve always managed to make it to the EB in time. I can’t imagine what I’d do if I was out of town.

EXECUTION: 0/5 – Poor! This is consumer service? I’ve had hobos treat me with more respect. I’ve had more enjoyable circumstances climbing over barbed wire fences!

FUN FACTOR: 1/5 – Good strategy; make me dread buying what you sell. If grocery stores treated me like this I’d starve.

OVERALL: 1/10 – One more reason not to play video games: EB Games.