Weekend Warzone #8 – Rashomon, Being Paralyzed by Choice, Kitties

Rashomon

In the theme of reviewing a Kurosawa film on the weekend comes this weeks chapter, Rashomon. Rashomon is the story of a murder that takes place in a forest glen told from the perspective of four people; a bandit, a dead man, the dead man’s wife, and an outside observer, a man hiding in the trees. The movie explores the themes or justice, morality, good and evil.

Some of you will be happy to know the movie only runs 88 minutes, as opposed to Seven Samurai which actually takes several years to complete.

I found the film very interesting. It’s got the theme that’s done to death in every single police/crime drama on television; that of multiple veiwpoints of the same crime. In those shows, however, there’s a conclusion. A point where the viewer is succored by the director, and everyone can cry “I knew it!” Rashomon offers nothing clean cut. Like the line between Good and Evil, the truth and lies of each story become blurred so that no retelling can be the entire truth, but none are entirely untrue.

CONCEPT: 4/5 – The concept is solid, and allows for a lot of probing of deeply rooted human nature.

INNOVATION: 5/5 – This was pretty original for it’s time, I’m sure. Too bad CSI decided to make an entire show about the concept alone.

SATISFACTION: 3/5 -Leaves the audience with an odd feeling of discontent, because we never find out what really happened. But as a film, it’s very satisfying.

EXECUTION: 4/5 – The DVD transfer I watched had bad sound, which shouldn’t be an issue in a movie with subtitles, right? Well, it would have been nice. The cinematography is top notch, however.

FUN FACTOR: 2/5 – Unless you find debating morals fun

OVERALL: 8/10 – It’s Kurasawa, and I like ‘em.

Being Paralyzed by Choice

Occasionally there’s times in life when there’s so many possible options for action, it’s nearly impossible to decide on one, and instead nothing gets accomplished. There must be a term for this. Have you ever noticed that the more choices there are on a menu the longer it takes to select what food you want? Not including the time it takes to read all the possible selections, of course. This is a toss up, because in theory wouldn’t you be happier with more choice? On a menu there’s a greater chance they would have your favourite dish, for instance. However, this also facilitates for a greater anxiety, the customer is left wondering if they wouldn’t have enjoyed a different dish more.

A good example of this is trying to buy a digital camera. If you’re like me and you like doing as much research as possible into price, quality, review scores, company history, before making a choice, you’ll soon find that the farther you dig the more and more variables there are to consider and weigh in on the selection. I almost envy those able to walk into an electronics store, tell the salesperson “I want a camera that does this this this,” and be sold on something.

CONCEPT: 4/5 – The idea behind having as much choice as possible for everything is well meant. After all, isn’t that what living in a free country is all about?

INNOVATION: 5/5 – Never in history have so many possibilities been offered to the consumer. Not to mention the overwhelming feeling created by the first page of search results from your favourite search engine. 1,900,000 results for Earl Grey?

SATISFACTION: 2/5 – Contrary to the reasoning behind choice, people are often less satisfied with more choice due to the stress and questions that arise.

EXECUTION: 2/5 – It’s never really that paralyzing, but it can be much more complicated than need be.

FUN FACTOR: 2/5 – Not a barrel of laughs.

OVERALL: 5/10 – It’s a debate between too much choice and too little choice. Just take solace that there’s few completely wrong choices.

Kitties

Kitties are cute and fuzzy. Some are sleek, and some are fluffy. They come in all colours and shapes, and are pretty much the best animal. I know some people would argue that cows are the best animal (milk+hamburgers) or some jokester will say that humans are the best animal. Come on, we’re not animals, God made us PEOPLE. Don’t be silly. Kitties are the best animal because you can hug them, and they might make a little noise.

CONCEPT: 4/5 – Warm kitties.

INNOVATION: 4/5 – Because no matter what, I never get tired of looking at pictures of kitties.

SATISFACTION: 4/5 – Nothing like a hot kitty on a cold day.

EXECUTION: 0/5 – Don’t execute kitties.

FUN FACTOR: 4/5 – Fun for years, a kitty is a good investment.

OVERALL: 9/10 – Maowr.

Verdict – Kitties! My only regret is that I may one day be paralyzed between choosing from a bunch of cute kitties.

Making Mii of Canadian Newscasters (now with pictures)

Now Peter Mansbridge and Gloria Macarenko can box!

There’s been a new Nintendo out a little while now, you might have heard. One of the chief features is being able to make these little charicatures of yourself or other people and have them actually appear in the games you play, either as the player’s character, or people in the background. These little guys are Mii. One can be seen here and you can make your own on a flash based mock up here (although the one on the Wii is much better).

I was bored last night, and having seen people make Mario, Luigi, Hitler, Ghandi, Bush, the cast of The Big Lebowski (Lebowskii?), I was at a loss as to how to capture something original, and at the same time something more personal. Something reminded me that I grew up in a household with only one channel, the CBC. The rest is history.

I set to work creating Peter Mansbridge, Wendy Mesley, Rex Murphy, Gloria Macarenko, and Tony Parsons of Global. I stopped only because it was around 1:00AM at this point. I can’t wait to boot up Wii Sports and have a tennis match between Parsons and Mansbridge.

Who else should I make? George Stroumboulopoulos? Ian Hanomansing? Ken Finkleman? Why can’t I think of any women? What other newsworthy Canadians am I forgetting to fill the stands of my boxing ring with?

CONCEPT: 5/5 – For me this has been the most entertaining use of the Mii creator yet.

INNOVATION: 4/5 – I may have the world’s first Rex Murphy Mii. Unless someone at the CBC has a Wii.

SATISFACTION: 3/5 – Mansbridge’s look of reserved yet mildly hopeful despair was hard to capture. Also the jowls.

EXECUTION: 4/5 – Tony Parsons looks amazing, however.

FUN FACTOR: 5/5 – I feel like I’ve found a piece of the Canadian Identity. Thanks Nintendo.

OVERALL: 9/10 -I promise I’ll post some pictures when I am able to somehow capture their likenesses. (Sorry about the picture quality, taking pictures of a TV is a bad idea in most cases)

Video Games to Make You Cry

This news is so old.

Alright, so people seem to have the idea that having the ability to create a video game that will make people cry will further kasjdhfklashf the industry as an art form, or as something adults and everyone can take part in, and be part of peoples lives like movies or some such. You get the jist of it. If a game can make you cry (not through frustration) then double plus good for you. David Jaffe wants to make a game to make you “actually choked up — if not crying,” but he got caught up making a sequel, and now two sequels, to God of War so who knows when we’ll get his attempt.

I don’t want to come across as bitter all the time, I don’t think that making a game to cry to is a bad idea, and I don’t doubt that you may have sniffled a little when a certain character in a certain game by SquareSoft may have died. I have reservations about the direction that businesses seem to be taking. Neil Young of EA LA seems to see it as some sort of grail, and once we can find it all sorts of wonderful things will happen, namely people spending more on games. (by the way, that’s a very interesting article that says things in a lot more depth I’m willing to invest the time in right now)

Of course, because he works for EA he immediately jumps straight at the throat of review numbers, which you may have read have little to do with spending habits. That’s not what this is about however, and I understand that review scores may have a larger effect on sales than this one study shows, and Neil must be doing something right.

My main issue is that people, at least people in the public eye *where it matters* keep talking about games making you cry like it’s the point of the game. Hell, EA’s been saying this stuff for almost 20 years! Chris Crawford is moving in the right direction with interactive storytelling (still have to read that book), because like the article at Wonderland states, “Make the player a character actor!” So here’s the skinny on what’s going wrong, and I will even try to contribute something by suggesting what my limited experience can conjure as something to do right!

1. Despite continual admonishments that video games are in a “pre Citizen Kane era” and have yet to have a revolution, companies continue to push innovation in the way of new tricks and gimmicks because it’s safer. Who can blame them? This is about money, not art.
2. By announcing “my game will make you cry” you’re setting yourself up for failure, even if you succeed. People will inevitably call the product crass for your boasting, and it’s no longer art, it’s a product designed to make you cry. I doubt that Dancer In The Dark was created with the intent of making people cry. It’s a sad story, as people need sad stories at times. Storytellers understand this. Video game designers are not storytellers. Yet.
3. No one will let a storyteller design a video game (risk). They probably have no interest in it anyway, and if a famous storyteller was contracted to “create” a game, they would write a script and be mailed a cheque.
4. Not enough of the industry’s time is spent moving towards understanding video games. Innovation is left to the innovators. Nintendo is a good example. I read an article a while ago where Nintendo was compared to a merchant of innovation. They literally need to innovate to move their products, for which their chief selling point is novelty. EA can get by very well by selling the same Football, Soccer, and Racing game every year, but if Mario’s not miniaturized, mega sized, or in outer space, who wants to play that game? In the movie industry there was and still is an appetite for similar movies (check out how many westerns Roy Rogers made) but now the industry thrives on creativity. Well…… At least more than I can say games do.
5. Video games are not movies, they aren’t made the same way, they weren’t invented at the same time, and they can’t tell stories the same way. So why keep comparing them to movies? Why do they have to be so derivative? They’re not going to develop the same way the movie industry did, yet people keep holding out hope for a revolution in gaming.
6. Maybe we don’t need games to make us cry. Did anyone ask for this? Who wants to sit down and anticipate crying over a game? Games are about pattern recognition, problem solving, learning, novelty, visual and aural sensation, and, hopefully, contemplation provoking situations. A strange mix. When was the last time pattern recognition made you cry? I have great hope for video games because all movies can do is present a viewpoint and provide a mostly passive entertainment that’s only hope for survival rests on being stimulating, thought provoking, and emotionally charged, although in a realistic way that games are not yet capable of. Video games can do these things, but also allow the player to be the viewpoint. They are the director, although until now in an extremely limited, almost laughable, way.

What can be done?

1. Companies can start to realize that this may be the way to introduce games to a wider audience and begin to move towards storytelling and emotional involvement instead of updated roster.
2. Don’t try to make a game that makes people cry, make a game to tell a story. If you want to tell a sad story because that has meaning for you, others will find meaning in that.
3. Let a storyteller design a game. Let your grandma design a game. Stop letting young privileged white guys design games, they have nothing to say. Let Bjork design a video game.
4. Try something new in the way the story is told instead of adding more guns. Unless the guns tell the story, then by all means.
5. Stop crying about a revolution, or how video games aren’t like movies. We know that. Stop making them like movies, allow them to be games, even if that means doing something unfamiliar to the audience. Even if they hate it.
6. Don’t try to make people cry, try to make them interested.

I would love it if someone would call me an idiot and bring up some new points so that we can get the ball rolling on discussing this.

CONCEPT: 3/5 – A video game to make you cry is a terrible idea. A video game that makes you cry is a good idea. But is it necessary at all?

INNOVATION: 4/5 – Not too many games have accomplished, or tried to accomplish this.

SATISFACTION: 4/5 – There’s something powerful about being reduced to tears, and it ties the player to the game more strongly than any play mechanic. Unless you made a play mechanic that made people weep out of beauty. I’d pay to see that!

EXECUTION: 3/5 – Rarely tried for, so rarely executed. When done at all can be enrapturing.

FUN FACTOR: 3/5 – Is playing a game that makes you cry any fun? Yes and no, because at that level of involvement fun is no longer the driving force, but some people might call it fun. Most people would simply call it a ‘good game’.

OVERALL: 8/10 – Honestly, any progress on the matter is welcome, even to show what paths not to follow. Someone please, take the lead. Jaffe? I believe you had dibs?

Weekend Warzone #7 – Quitting, Registering For Classes, Christmas Shopping

Quitting

Working at the same place for a long time can become more of a routine than a path to a goal, especially early in life. The point where you forget what you were saving up for when you got the job is probably when you should have quit, but at that point it’s too late. You just sort of keep plugging away until you get completely fed up, because the job wasn’t the thing you wanted to do in the first place, it was a means to an end.

But eventually, you pull up your socks, nervously approach your manager, and hand them a letter, mumbling “I’m leaving in two weeks”. Or you stand up at your desk/work bench/ditch and shout “I QUIT” and spit on your manager’s face as flocks of bikini clad women fly down from the sky and being handing out packages of free beer and money. Well, that’s sort of what EI is like, I’ve heard, but you can’t get that if you quit. But that doesn’t matter, because you’re on to a new stage of your life, a brand NEW shitty job!

CONCEPT: 4/5 – Quitting a job you dislike or have grown to dislike is probably for the best.

INNOVATION: 3/5 – Hey, it’s better than staying at the same job for decades because you’ve been there so long that the pension is the only thing keeping you going.

SATISFACTION: 3/5 – That first week of freedom is like no other. Then the rent comes around, and you can’t find another place because of your skill set.

EXECUTION: 3/5 – Burning bridges can be fun, but potentially dangerous. But then there’s like 7 billion bridges in the world, so burn away.

FUN FACTOR: 5/5 – Work is inherently the antithesis of fun, so quitting un-fun is pure fun?

OVERALL: 7/10 – May you find happiness in future gainful employ.

Registering For Classes

I continue to be of the opinion that this is significantly more work than the actual school work itself.

CONCEPT: 4/5 – In concept it’s a simple task. Use the internet to tell the school which class you want to take. Much better than the old method, which was to write your name in a book outside the class door. When the book was full, the teacher began the class. Students began making increasingly elaborate signatures that spanned multiple pages to ensure the most one-on-one time with the prof, and the system was heavily abused.

INNOVATION: 3/5 – Again, fairly novel compared to the old ways.

SATISFACTION: 2/5 – The feeling of “I wonder if it went through correctly” will never go away until the first time your teacher calls your name in class, so it leaves something to be desired, clearly.

EXECUTION: 2/5 – Like the school websites, the entire process seems to be designed by a large cumbersome robot who’s favourite foods are redundancy and unintuitiveness.

FUN FACTOR: 1/5 – If a website were ever designed to make someone cry, they would base their design on this process but make it easier to use.

OVERALL: 3/10 – Poopy. But functioning.

Christmas Shopping

Some people absolutely loathe Christmas Shopping, but some people love it. How can this be? Well, the world is divided into two distinct kinds of people, men and women. Men hate shopping, and Women need it to live. It is this constant struggle that creates most of the plot devices of the great works. Ulysses. Romeo and Juliet. Cathy.

I don’t mind the shopping so much as all the other people also shopping at the same time. It’s also not the noise, the lines, searching for the perfect gift, or tired feet. Well, maybe it’s a few of those things. But what I find the most irritating about the whole meal deal is skirting. Skirting around people. People who are standing in the middle of an aisle, walking slowly around, meandering, dawdling, gawking, etc. People who don’t understand the gravity of the situation. It’s alright if someone is trying to get at an item to purchase and they happen to cut me off. I’m fine with another shopper bumping into me while making their way to the counter. Please, please don’t stand in one place and force me to do a little sideways dance move to get past you. I’m not here to hang out and look at the decorations, although they are nice, I’m here to power my way through shopping so I can get back to sitting at home.

CONCEPT: 3/5 – Christmas Shopping is a necessary thing every year. No matter how many times Mom says “next year we’re donating all our Christmas money to Africa.”

INNOVATION: 2/5 – This has been going on for as long as I can remember, but I’m sure there was a time when people actually made their gifts for each other.

SATISFACTION: 4/5 – Getting it all done can be extremely satisfying.

EXECUTION: 2/5 – Never really goes as smoothly as it should. Just be glad you’re not that 45 year old woman looking for “that Wheee system” or a “Nano iPod”. Her kids are gonna be a little disappointed.

FUN FACTOR: 1/5 – I’ve never thought of holiday shopping as fun, but more of a task like walking the dog. Only the dog needs to be walked one day a year through a mall filled with thousands of people. Two if you can’t find what the dog’s looking for.

OVERALL: 5/10 – Hey, I like getting presents as much as the people I’m giving them to, but I wish I could avoid playing dodgems in cramped retailers for hours on end.

Verdict – Christmas Shopping! Hey! What? Well, as much as I like cutting off the only source of income I have, and tearing out my hair over school, Christmas Shopping is a walk in the park compared to the continual stress these other two gems provide. My hat is off to you, shopping. May your arteries always be clogged, your lines long, and your customers irate. Or pirates.

Getting Organized, Staying There

How do you do it?

You there. How many receipts are on the desk in front of you right now? In less than a minute, can you find last years tax returns? How about your tenancy agreement for the apartment you’re living in? Alright, let’s get organized.

It’s not that hard, all you need is a system, and the will to devote some time to that system a little bit every day, or just whenever you need it. Here’s what I did with all the papers I was stuffing in a shoe box in my closet.

First, get some pieces of paper, or some envelopes. I use envelopes because I have like 500 of them, and I don’t mail people that often. You’ll also need a felt, or just a pen, or a crayon. Take the shoe box full of papers and dump it out on your bed. Think of some headings that you would put on folders in a filing cabinet; Taxes, Receipts, School, Work, Personal, etc. Write these headings on the top flaps of the envelopes so that when they’re open with the flap pointing up you can read the word. Now organize all your papers, and place the envelopes in the shoe box as dividers. Put all the papers back in the box, but more carefully. Paystubs go behind WORK, anything from the Gov’t goes behind TAX, and so forth. The best part is that if you have something small that would get lost if it were loose in the box, you put it INSIDE the appropriate envelope.

Tada! Your own filing cabinet. It’s cheap, but pays off so big in the end. I had to return an item I bought at the store, and I knew where to look for the receipt!

How do you keep organized?

CONCEPT: 4/5 – Keeping paper organized somehow reduces stress, and is generally a good idea if you want to be able to find anything in the future.

INNOVATION: 2/5 – Shoe boxes have been used for many, many application since they were invented. Recently they’ve become vogue for selling shoes in.

SATISFACTION: 4/5 – If you enjoy feeling self satisfied… stop it. This won’t help, it’ll only make you more smug.

EXECUTION: 3/5 – If you learned how to read and write in school you can accomplish this take with little problem.

FUN FACTOR: 2/5 – When tax time rolls around, and you can find your T4 from 3 years ago, you don’t need fun to enjoy yourself any more, you’ve attained the highest state of being.

OVERALL: 7/10 – It’s difficult to explain the importance of having a place to put those scraps of paper. For me it was nothing short of revelatory. You may actually feel like you can accomplish more in a day knowing that, goddammit, you know where your birth certificate is. Just remember not to accidentally have the box go on fire.

Weekend Warzone #6 – Putting Things Off to Increase Their Enjoyment, Lazy Sundays, Regret at Having Written About Bladders

Putting Things Off to Increase Their Enjoyment

I frequently find that I put off things that I don’t want to do, I’m getting better at doing them quickly though. Although now I’m developing the disturbing trait of putting things off to create a greater enjoyment of them  when I finally cave in. This includes:

• Eating a candy
• Watching a movie
• Playing a video game
• Drinking a beer
• Finishing anything in a series that I enjoy

Although the last one might be due to a feeling of sadness that comes with the finality of the end of a series of experiences that I’ve enjoyed, like Firefly, or Arrested Development, or Tom Strong (Tom Strong’s not over, I just don’t like reading the last comic in the Trade Paperbacks I buy every so often).

I think It may come with age, a greater willpower, a feeling of needing to get something more important done (laundry frequently interrupts movie watching) but I wish it didn’t feel so much like losing part of my childhood so frequently. Gone are the days when I could play video games until I passed out, and then wake up, eat some cereal, and continue playing. Candy’s bad for you, so I put it off until I feel a little sluggish. Movies are long and take up a lot of time, so I put them off until I have no other distractions, because it feels guilty. Drinking beer is a reward for a hard week instead of a hard day of work.

I do find that I am able to derive more satisfaction from these simple pleasures than I would have normally simply because I know I waited longer. The candy isn’t physically sweeter, but the experience has aged in my mind with the anticipation.

CONCEPT: 3/5 – In concept it’s fairly innocuous, as long as it’s not taken to the extreme of being compulsive.

INNOVATION: 2/5 – As with most things, it’s not something Cheese hasn’t done before.

SATISFACTION: 4/5 – Ranks fairly high, but there’s always the niggling “I could have held out longer.”

EXECUTION: 4/5 – Alright, although sometimes I give in too early and then feel a bit ashamed that I couldn’t wait another 10 minutes to eat those Rockets.

FUN FACTOR: 2/5 – Arguably, putting things off that you enjoy isn’t fun, but it’s the invested potential fun that pulls you along.

OVERALL: 6/10 – Less becoming a choice, and more becoming a necessity of the business of life.

Lazy Sundays

Getting up late, having a shower, not combing your hair, putting on that shirt you only wear around the house, not even wearing socks all day, life is pretty sweet. Maybe have breakfast at around 2:00, or whenever you start feeling hungry. Then, have some tea, and sit down to something you’ve been putting off all week, like a book. You might accomplish something, like housecleaning, but probably not. Just take some time to relax.

CONCEPT: 4/5 – Yeah, it’s nice.

INNOVATION: 3/5 -  When was the last time you had some time just to yourself to reflect on things?

SATISFACTION: 4/5 – Don’t think of it as wasting time, think of it as an investment in personal mental health.

EXECUTION: 3/5 – If you get anything bigger than the bathroom cleaned, you’re doing it wrong.

FUN FACTOR: 3/5 – Believe it or not, you can have fun by yourself. Sing a song, or dance around and eat toast.

OVERALL: 8/10 – A good way to spend a seventh of the week.

Regret at Having Written About Bladders

Well, this is just perfect. Ever since I wrote that Almost Full Bladder Feeling post, at least one person a day has come to the site using the search term “full bladder feeling.” I’m also damning myself further, because in writing another post about it I’m probably moving myself up higher on the Google priority list for websites dealing in bladder issues.

Here’s a message to all the people coming here in search of answers: you won’t find any here, and you probably have a bladder infection; I’m sorry.

I didn’t want this to happen, I didn’t foresee the consequences of my actions, and I will be more careful in the future. Come back next week for my article on Sex Breasts: Lindsay Licks Britney’s Nude Pictures, and, Burning Sensation When I Pee.

Goddamn internet.

CONCEPT: 3/5 – The concept itself was a noble one, I merely wanted to outline the  biological struggles we face daily.

INNOVATION: 3/5 – Not sure if anyone’s written on that subject before, but it appears to be an issue many struggle with.

SATISFACTION: 2/5 – This wasn’t how it was meant to be!

EXECUTION: 3/5 – I guess the fact that people were tricked into thinking I had any sort of real information meant that I did an alright job.

FUN FACTOR: 3/5 – It’s kinda funny.

OVERALL: 4/10 – I’m not happy with this turn of events, but I will take it in stride.

Verdict – LAZY SUNDAYS! Congratulations! You are superior to procrastinating with things you actually want to do, and regret at having written about urinary tracts! I hope you wear that mantle proudly, Lazy Sundays. I hope to meet you many more times in the future.

Starting Over

In which I intentionally delete a post I was previously writing.

It wasn’t very good. I’m not sure I even knew what I was talking about (which isn’t usually an issue) but I started off down a path of complaining about this or that, and when it came down to it I couldn’t think of any real world examples. So apparently, I didn’t have anything to complain about in the first place. I start over.

There’s got to be a formula for starting something over. Something that figures out the time and resources already invested, the time since starting, time remaining, and overall satisfaction with the current state, and finds out the rationality of just starting over. If you’ve already put in the work, it’s hard to start fresh, especially if it’s something like a long essay, or a work of art. Even if you’re not going to be happy with the finished product, most people are happy enough to continue working and just be a little unsatisfied. Maybe you’re on a deadline, and can’t afford to start over, or maybe you’ve already invested 15 years in a job you hate, and just can’t rationalize starting over when it’s only 5 years until that pension! That’s a pretty big fear, and one of the sadest stories. Being trapped from being too afraid to start again.

CONCEPT: 3/5 – Starting over can be useful in some situations, it allows you to apply things you learned in the last attempt and create a more satisfying product.

INNOVATION: 2/5 – If you’re starting over, unless you’re doing something completely different (I was building a boat, but now I’ll climb a mountain instead!) it’s probably not that much different, just with more thought put in.

SATISFACTION: 2/5 – It’s very hard to start over, because you’ve already spent the time on one goal, but the outcome CAN be more satisfying as long as you finish.

EXECUTION: 1/5 – If you need to start over, chances are you weren’t doing it right in the first place.

FUN FACTOR: 2/5 – Not a lot of fun. It’s more about grit and determination than having a good time. Unless you’re starting over on Super Mario World. Those first levels are hella fun.

OVERALL: 4/10 – In some situations it can be a saviour, but the amount of time lost and the dissatisfaction lose mega points.